Letter to my old self, note to present me, and a look back for my future self

Sometimes we’re hurting because we get addictive to the pain.

We rather feel pain than losing the things or persons we ever dreamed of.

Not realizing we just became too dependent to those worldly things at borrowed time.

We rather cry alone, suffer alone, and fake smiles in front of everyone else than to lose face.

Not knowing that we are only feeding our insecurities while sub-consciously turning ourselves into a monster.

The world will judge you; the crowd will laugh at you. But it’s not about them; it’s not about their sanity.

This is about how you will survive. This is about your happiness.

No one can ever help you except for those few people in your life who truly cares about your well-being, your God, and ultimately yourself.

You’re the only person who can decide when to stop destructing yourself.

You don’t owe anyone explanation, you don’t have to be okay for anyone.

It’s your life, it’s your heart. Pick up your own phase.

Don’t force yourself to smile if you still can’t.

There is absolutely nothing wrong admitting you need help.

Likewise, it is not a crime to receive neither to accept help.

Stop looking for reasons; it will eventually come to you.

Stop waiting for the right time, time is tricky as it is.

Stop pointing one to others, ‘cause four always comes back to you.

Stop convicting yourself for the things you didn’t know.

You are not God.

Self-imprisonment is the worst, free yourself.

Just like any other addiction, it will be hard at first.

Pain will linger in every piece of you. It will consume you.

In the midst of crisis, try to remember that everything is temporary.

Bear with struggles, cherish the good ones.

Live with it, fight for it.

Life is all about choices.

The world is complicated; no one said it will be easy.

Sometimes you are right, sometimes you are wrong.

You will make mistakes. You will lose. Congratulations! You are a human being.

Everyone is so opinionated, it will be suffocating.

None of them will sink in anyway, when you are overwhelm by your own feelings.

Life is full of irony but none of that matters, not even this.

Stop being harsh to yourself, the world is violent enough.

Do your best to have a grip of yourself.

At the end of the day, your heart only beats so you can live.

You

I'ts been quite a while since i have been so poetic with my feelings. I think i have became rusty. 
But once again i witness how a sincere feelings could create magic. With the love i have, words flows naturally... and came out like this.

For the guy i wished would kiss me in the altar... Kenneth Santos Gumera.

Walang Hanggan

Face the Book

Face the Book

Charito Nicdao

January 7, 2014

I borrowed my title from one of the activities that I did with the Emmanuel Baptist Church family when we went to Batangas, Philippines more or less four years ago. I hope they don't mind once they come across of this short essay of mine. I could not think of anything that will be most appropriate for this essay. I am at my work today, currently waiting for my time to go home when I suddenly feel the urge to write and express how grateful I am for the bountiful blessings I started to received ever since I widen my time and my energy on studying the Bible.

I was born and raised in the Philippines where more than 90% of the population are Christian and are living by their Christian faith. The 80.6% of the said percentage are Roman Catholic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_the_Philippines). That being said, I came from a typical Filipino Roman Catholic family. What I mean by typical is that I was born in the family who is religious enough to attend church on a regular basis and live by Lord's Ten Commandments but also who is not too religious to study the Bible (I know Filipino can easily relate of what I am trying to imply).

I have a pretty complicated personality but as early as four years old, there is one thing that is certain for me and that is I have fond of reading to satisfy my curiosity. I love reading for all its benefits to the point that having something to read in my belongings whenever and wherever I go makes me feel at ease. However, reading to satisfy my curiosity makes me feel alive. The more difficult the context to absorb, the more enthusiast I will be fighting mentally to understand it. I had been curious and encountered so many books and articles. There are few that I found challenging and fun but Bible has a totally different story.

I was six when my initial curiosity on Bible stroked me. Seeing a book laying around our house, finding it as a give away at school, seeing the priest using the same kind of book during the mass, hearing people debating on it, realizing how many versions it has which comes with different languages, sizes, and thickness, of course, it was really fascinating in my eyes as a child way back then. I was too curious so I started picking out that book in our house. I read it but my mind could not translate most of the words from it, even though it is on my mother's tongue. Then there were too many why's that began to circulate in my little brain. I did not seek help because I was afraid that the world within me will find me different. That is how I failed on my first attempt.

On my early puberty, I decided to try it again. I was surprised because it wasn't that hard to understand the words unlike the first time. Although, the why's in my head were still there and even growing to the size that I could not contain. I intended to cure my curiosity but many circumstances had happened which made my heart defiled. Hatred and lonesome conquered my soul. I ran away from it. I refused to accept it. That is how I failed for the second time.

On my mid-puberty through 2013, the negative barrier drained little by little. I realized how thirsty I was and so I drunk from every fountain that I found. I listened to every man who comes after me to confess their beliefs. I opened my heart to all religion that welcomes me and caters my hunger. But every time my freedom and my own beliefs were at stake, I felt like the tower that I am trying to build all those years to be closer to Him is crashing down. Once those people who were pretending to be the witness of the light conceal their true intention before me, I tend to quietly turn away from them as soon as I can. I know deep in my heart that religion does not matter to our God and it is not the key for His gift of salvation. I quietly walked away on them not because I was afraid of fighting for what my heart is telling me but it is because I wasn't ready to be involve in that kind of battle. I was blindly looking for the light, and so I was tripped by my own feet. I was also caught with materialistic and earthly possessions. Who has time for the Bible if you need to be a student, worker, daughter, sister, friend, and lover? Who has time to get to know Him if there are internet and high technology gadgets which can give you a tremendous amount of fun? Who has  time for faith in Him if you are so young who have too many responsibilities and there are so many other things you can do on your precious time, right? That is how I failed for the third time.

On the first day of July 2014, I felt a flaming desire buried deep within my soul was emerging. I know and I believe that it is Him who is calling me in the dark. His voice is leading me out from my miseries. I opened up my Bible once more. I read it not just to satisfy my curiosity nor to ease my sufferings. This time, I am reading the Bible to answer His call. I know it sounds like I'm losing it but in just a very short time since then, I already discovered countless and wonderful gifts. Now, I have concrete basis for my beliefs. I have proven that I was right as much as I was wrong on my ideas. I can proudly say that I was right about religion isn't key to salvation. The reason why nothing satisfies my thirst and hunger before is because there is an emptiness that only the Holy Spirit can fill. I was right that baptism is not intended to label us so we can belong to a certain group who will be saved. We are being baptized here on Earth by human and by water but truly, God is the one who is baptizing us with the Holy Spirit. God gave us Jesus, His only Son, the Lamb of God, and the Word that was initially with Him. The Word became light and flesh. Therefore, Jesus is the light, and the key to the salvation is to walk with Jesus all the way to the Cross.

When I was still in the Philippines, I see to it that I could participate in "Alay Lakad" every Holy Week ever since my mom allowed me to do so. I saw the number of people participated in "Alay Lakad" increases every year. Most of us were doing it for the sake of the prayer that the Lord supposed to grant us if we make it to the finish line. After reading the Gospel of Mark and John, I came to realized of how foolish I was. I feel sad for Jesus thinking that probably half of those participants including me, don't know the real meaning of the 14 stations. We don't even know what it really means when we say walking with Jesus Christ while carrying our crosses. How could we even say we our lamenting if we are not aware of Jesus' miracles and sacrifices? It is all in the Bible but many ignores it. God gave us Jesus, His only begotten Son, the Word that was with Him, but many did not accept Him. In present time, our eyes are widely open that God gave us Jesus, the Light and Word, to save us and yet our hearts are still completely close to accept our salvation. I could only imagine how peaceful our world can be if we realize that there is no need to fight for our respective religions, or our houses, and or our positions. It is also not an intention of the Lord to make us fight for Jesus instead He needs us to fight with Jesus Christ. If we will only embrace the truth that it is necessary to face the Book so we can truly proclaim Jesus' death and profess His resurrection until the day of His second coming.

After I received His calling and reflect on my past, I felt like I wasted 22 years of my life blindly looking for Him and His mercy. I felt like I am one of Peter's present versions at the same time. We are the same for denying Jesus three times. But I was glad when I heard His voice telling me that He, He is the one who found me. He also let me realize that I didn't fail nor didn't waste my time. I was just learning, and so I learned and I'm still learning. The beginning of the gospel is "you have sinned". I am a sinner and it is right for me to repent. I am blessed because God made me known His promise that He will give us the right to become His children once we truly accept Jesus in our lives. Reading the Bible would require not only your mental aspects but also your emotional, physical, and especially your spiritual strength. It is now clear to me that our body is the real temple of our God. Knowing this truth, I will be able to enjoy my earthly doings more than ever. I will also make sure that I will be guided on my readings to filter the truth.

Now, I know why he didn't let me die even the doctors and my parent believed it was happening. He didn't let me die without seeing the Light and I will be forever grateful to our Lord for His undying love and mercy upon me. I know I still have a very long ways to go but I am enjoying every single word I am reading from the Bible. I might trip over again but this time I am sure it will not hit me hard like before. I now know my God better and I know I have a big God, bigger and better than anything else.

PATAG NG KASAYSAYAN

PATAG NG KASAYSAYAN

(likha mula sa Katamaran ng mga Pilipino)

Isang batang nakatindig sa patag ng kasaysayan

Mulat ang iyong mga mata at may matalas na pandinig

Alam mo ba ang umiiral na konsepto ng katamaran?

Oo, katamarang laganap sa lupang iyong tinatapakan.

Mababakas kong ikaw ay nabigla sa aking pahayag

Kagyat na sisibol sa damdamin ang masidhing pagtutol

Ngunit bago ang lahat, mangyaring ikaw ay sa likod lumingon

Mula diyan, pagmasdan mga tala ng nakaraang naipon

Ang iyong lahi ay minsan nang pinaratangan nito

Subalit sila’y mapalad sapagkat doon ay may Rizal

Na naglaan ng panahon at ito’y pinag-aralang mabuti

Upang sila’y ipagtanggol sa mga mapangmatang lahi

Sanhi ng katamaran, kanyang inilahad sa isang sanaysay

Buhat dito ay maaaninag ang nakatagong katotohanan

Di ito basta ukol sa kakulangan ng edukasyon at pagkakaisa

O ng pagkakahalintulad nila sa aso at walang muwang na bata

Paano nilang nasabing tamad yaong mga taong

Nagpapahinga na sa oras ng kanilang paggising?

Yaong mga taong halos masunog na ang balat

Upang sila’y may makain at mayroong singkong masalat?

Paano gayong kung kayo’y iminulat sa paniniwalang

Pinagpapala ng Panginoon ang mga taong nagdarahop?

Paano silang gaganahan ganung ang kapalit

Ng isang kaban ay isang sentimong pitpit?

Ngayon bata, sa iyo’y malinaw na ang nagdaan

Ngayon naman, ika’y luminga Sa iyong kanan at kaliwa

Iyong pagmasdan mabuti, ang kasalukuyang era

Katamaran ay nanatili pa rin, hindi ba?

Ito’y parang epidemyang kumakalat sa iyong bayan

Nakakatakot at marapat na ito’y bigyang lunas

Huwag nang tangkaing hanapin ang sisisihin

Sapagkat ikaw, sila, at ako ang dapat idiin

Ikaw? Oo ikaw, kaya mo bang sabihin sa madla

Na bilang isang mamamayan, mag-aaral man o manggagawa

Ay husto mong ginaganapan iyong papel sa palabas?

At ni minsa’y di nagkulang at nagsayang ng oras?

Sila? Sila na may malaking tungkulin sa lupang kinatatayuan

Ay sadyang may malaking pagkukulang at kamalian

At ako, akong tumutuligsa at sumulat nitong tula

Ay magaling lamang sa salita ngunit salat na salat sa gawa

Bata, bata, bata alam kong batid mo

Katamaran ay malaking balakid sa pag-unlad

Ngayong ika’y nakatayo sa patag ng kasaysayan

Makakaya mo bang mabasa ang kinabukasan?

What I Mean by a True Friend.

What I Mean by a True Friend.

            There are so many people you can meet in this world. Some may help you improve or maybe not. Some may become your friend, some may not. Everyone wants to have friends but we’re still looking for a person whom we can consider as our true friend.

            A true friend is one of the most wonderful treasures in our life. I mean something that is almost too much to look for in this world, one whose nature is larger that she will understand and sympathize with all of your myriad varied moods. A person who will not despise you when she sees you harsh and critical or when you’re cruel in judgment, in words, in actions, and even if you committed the biggest mistake of your life. He will bear with you until you recover your senses and help you stand up again in order to continue life. He would smile and endure knowing that this is only a passing whim. When you’re ill tempered, peevish, or in melancholy, he will pity you and wait until the disease had run its course and the color of health has returned.

            I mean the one who will not hide from you in times of trouble while he is in possession of unending peace. He will not give you the feeling that the weakness is all yours. He will trust you enough for letting you know and see his volume as you let him see yours, knowing that you will not misunderstood or become impatient and condemn his personality. Or even turn your heel and walk no more with him, for he would not do the same to you. This is the hardest side of friendship – to discover than the first yet. But you can conquer that by giving as well as you take.

            I mean one who knows that there are no differences whatever might be your perspective of nature and of grace. You must appreciate it. All must be fair between the two of you. If he thinks you’re clever, learned, strong, or even holy, he will neither think that you’re a threat nor being another grade. He must be proud of you and let him be the one of your inspiration. Though he may know that you will have rank or wealth, will not envy you because he knows that you would share it to him and he must accept it without hesitation or thinking of his pride. You take each other for granted without suspicion, without doubt. (The rest are mere append belonging to the one as much as the other. If it is affecting so little your equality, you should never give then.)

            I mean someone who will join your precious and cherish moments. He is a person who is not selfish as he let you discover everything and let you enjoy the company of other people too. He will not get mad even though he might get a little jealous. I mean a person who you can talk to everything even to those little problems. The person you can share your feelings, emotions, ideas, and experiences.

            Even the best of human friends, you cannot ask more than he can give. It calls for a mind that can understand yours without any need of words. It calls for a heart that can bleed for a soul so holy, so humble in all its holiness in worst as well as its best. Uncovered and undisguised into the hands of its friends. It calls for a wheel that can go to all length, asking no questions, making no conditions, when the question of friendship remarks it.

            And that my friend is what I mean by a true friend.  

Ang Ligaya ng Super Friends!

Ang Ligaya ng Super Friends!

Si Joy Necio Sarmiento na ipinanganak noong ika-18 ng Disyembre taong 1991 ay ang Ligaya ng Super Friends. (Obvious naman sa pangalan niya) She is the oldest among us but the most playful gal in our group. She truly justifies her given name.

Joy… What is the meaning of the word joy? Joy is an essential spiritual practice growing out of faith, grace, gratitude, hope, and love. It is the pure and simple delight in being alive. Joy is our elated response to feelings of happiness, experiences of pleasure, and awareness of abundance. It is also the deep satisfaction we know when we are able to serve others and be glad for their good fortune. (http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/practices/practices.php?id=15) For me, this paragraph also best describe Joy as a person.

Joy and I became close friends when we were in our senior year at high school. She is one of those people who will support you in any way they can. Isa sa mga taong nandun at umalalay sa kin nung panahon na ineexplore ko ang mundo ng pakikipag-relasyon. The support that she will give you is not just an ordinary support that we usually see around us. She will make sure that she is there every steps until you make it through that storm where she had found you.

She's very kind and patient. Pero huwag ka abusado, dahil hindi mo magugustuhan kapag naubos mo ang pasensya niya. She is very determined in everything that she decided to pursue. Her commitment is unbreakable. She won't show that she's afraid lalo na kung may mga bagay o tao na kailangan niya ipaglaban. Mas gusto niyang sinasarili ang mga problema niya. Tatahimik sa isang tabi. Madalas di namin alam kung galit ba siya o may problema kasi bigla bigla na lang siya tatahimik sa isang tabi at hindi makikipag-usap kahit anong pilit namin. Medyo natatakot kami sa mga ganung sitwasyon kasi that's very unusual for a person like her who always wants everyone around her to laugh and be satisfied.

Her faith is one of the most significant traits that you'll notice on her kahit sa unang pagkikita niyo pa lang. Lately nga, siya ang nakakaguide sa kin sa mga bagay tungkol sa Kanya na naguguluhan ako. Natutuwa akong malaman na after namin grumaduate ng college mas higit niya pa kinilala si Lord. Wala man ako sa physically to witness it, I am sure na isa sya sa mga epektibong young adults leader.

Sa lahat ng magagandang katangian ni Joy, ang pagmamahal niya sa mga taong pinapahalagahan niya lalo na sa pamilya niya ang sobrang hinahangaan ko. She could do everything for her love. Kahit na paglabahin mo pa siya linggo linggo ng malabundok na damit, utusan habang nag-aaral, kahit kapusin sa baon mauna lang mabigyan ang mga kapatid niya, kahit na kulangin siya sa tulog basta matulungan niya lang ang mga magulang niya na masigurong masaya at maayos palagi ang tahanan nila, lahat yan parang maning mani lang kapag tiningnan mo siya. Kasi kahit na sobrang hirap, kahit napapagod na siya.. ngumingiti pa rin siya at nagpapangiti. Kulang na lang ang bato para maging Darna siya total pwedeng si Ding yung bunso nila.

Joy... salamat sa lahat ng adventure na nakasama kita. Salamat sa lahat ng mga sandaling pinatawa mo ko at sinuportahan bilang kaibigan. Salamat kasi di ka nakakalimot kahit na sobrang layo ko na. Tulad ng parati kong sinasabi sa inyo, miss na miss ko na kayo. Sa tuwing babalik ako ng Pilipinas, kayo ang ilan sa mga taong sisiguraduhin kong mapaglalaanan ko ng oras.

You are truly blessed because you have been and always been a blessing to the people around you.

2 Timothy 2:15

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,

a worker who has no need to be ashamed,

rightly handling the word of truth.